Advice from Never and Always

Never...
Never cross a street in Rome.
From my friend's uncle, "never pass a bathroom, never trust a fart, and never neglect an erection".
Never expect that Kiss will be able to play all of their hits in a single concert. There are just too many. They can't play them all. Some nights, for example, "Let's Put the X Back in Sex" will not appear on their playlist.
Never sit in the back of a Greyhound Bus.
Never gawk at a celebrity. My stare scared CNN reporter John Roberts today.

Always...
Always keep your coat on if dining at an Italian restaurant in a white shirt.
Always have a prop at work, such as a mop. You never know who is going to look in on you.
Always assume that you will run for president. This will dissuade you from a lot of bad decisions.
Always spend more time washing white tiles than black tiles.
Always assume that people have innies and outies, in that they have inner and outer dialogues, and sometimes these dialogues will conflict.
Always assume that cockroaches are armed.

Never admit that you always think about her.