The baseball diamond was being resurfaced, so the varsity baseball team held practice on the freshly mowed football field. Its uneven terrain and the day's baseball colored sky made the sport even more difficult for the talent challenged team.
After talking to his first basemen, the head coach looked towards third base to discover that his favorite player was pretending to be a nested bird who had just laid an egg. The player had encircled himself in lawn clippings and was sitting atop third base. Coach put his hands on his hips and dropped his head. I'm not sure if he smiled. Maybe he smiled after he told me, his bird on third, to start running.
I didn't complain about the extra running. Sometimes silliness has a cost. This time it cost my teammates, too. We were to run to one of the goalposts and then back to home plate. The first person to make it to home plate would not have to do push ups. Coach yelled go. I started into a strategic pre-lead trot, enabling my competitors to gain a lead and a false sense of victory. The goal is to stage a dramatic comeback and take the lead right before the finish line. There are critics of this strategy. For example, coach thought I should start running faster, so he re-barked his orders.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
2008 Prediction - Technology
2008 Technology Prediction: More cases of melanoma will be identified as high definition television becomes more popular.
2nd Attempt: Dermatologists are able to drum up business while they watch shows on HDTV because the clear picture enables them to spot cases of melanoma and text television personalities with diagnoses.
2nd Attempt: Dermatologists are able to drum up business while they watch shows on HDTV because the clear picture enables them to spot cases of melanoma and text television personalities with diagnoses.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Tattoo Cool
My mom called me early this morning. I thought she was calling about last night's election results, so I started talking about the Clinton comeback. After a while she said that her father had died.
My grandfather was a bit ornery in his later years. He repeated rightwing slogans and he stopped talking to some people, like my mom and her brothers. But he called my mom on her birthday last month and they talked about family and the weather.
It was common for him to disappear as a disappointment then reappear as the person you were looking for.
A few weeks ago my mom was telling me about the time when we were in Mexico with Grandpa. I was about six at the time. Grandpa tried on a leather jacket at a store and became upset because it didn't fit over his bulging stomach. We quickly left Mexico, he dropped us off in Tucson, and 21 hours later he was back in Wisconsin, having drove straight through. If anyone has ever seen me have a panic attack inside a grocery store or outside a grocery store, for that matter, then you might better understand my behavior.
Tonight some of the reasons why I loved my grandfather reappear. He would make me laugh. He would hand me paperback books right after he finished them. He was tattoo cool with an anchor on his left arm, a lit cigarette between two fingers, and a stomach that stuck out of every jacket I saw him wear.
My grandfather was a bit ornery in his later years. He repeated rightwing slogans and he stopped talking to some people, like my mom and her brothers. But he called my mom on her birthday last month and they talked about family and the weather.
It was common for him to disappear as a disappointment then reappear as the person you were looking for.
A few weeks ago my mom was telling me about the time when we were in Mexico with Grandpa. I was about six at the time. Grandpa tried on a leather jacket at a store and became upset because it didn't fit over his bulging stomach. We quickly left Mexico, he dropped us off in Tucson, and 21 hours later he was back in Wisconsin, having drove straight through. If anyone has ever seen me have a panic attack inside a grocery store or outside a grocery store, for that matter, then you might better understand my behavior.
Tonight some of the reasons why I loved my grandfather reappear. He would make me laugh. He would hand me paperback books right after he finished them. He was tattoo cool with an anchor on his left arm, a lit cigarette between two fingers, and a stomach that stuck out of every jacket I saw him wear.
Wikt
wicked [wikt]
1. first step towards enlightenment: he was wicked by the idea of multi-flavored gum.
[Origin: 2008Feb, see wick, candle, candlewick.]
1. first step towards enlightenment: he was wicked by the idea of multi-flavored gum.
[Origin: 2008Feb, see wick, candle, candlewick.]
Thursday, February 21, 2008
The world makes me nervous
I'm afraid that time is circular. I recently bought a collection of NYT crossword puzzles from the early 2000s. I'm disappointed with the purchase because I'm now doing crosswords that I've done before and struggling with them like I did the first time around.
But the non-linear world makes me nervous. What if I pick up my laundry then go straight to the gym instead of dropping it off at home? How am I going to explain my bag full of clean laundry to the people at the gym? Will they accuse me of stealing towels from the gym? Will they ask to borrow a pair of socks? Or what if I go in reverse through time and end up in college again? I don't want to have baked beans with every meal again.
Where is my trajectory? Where are the days when I would stare at expiration dates on food products and imagine the great things I would be doing on that approaching day?
(My milk expired today, so I'm in a contemplative mood.)
But the non-linear world makes me nervous. What if I pick up my laundry then go straight to the gym instead of dropping it off at home? How am I going to explain my bag full of clean laundry to the people at the gym? Will they accuse me of stealing towels from the gym? Will they ask to borrow a pair of socks? Or what if I go in reverse through time and end up in college again? I don't want to have baked beans with every meal again.
Where is my trajectory? Where are the days when I would stare at expiration dates on food products and imagine the great things I would be doing on that approaching day?
(My milk expired today, so I'm in a contemplative mood.)
Sunday, February 10, 2008
2008 Prediction
It's February and I have a much better feel for 2008 than I did in January. I will now make a prediction.
Prediction 1: Out of concern for the environment Greenpeace will begin tracking then boarding SUV's.
Prediction 1: Out of concern for the environment Greenpeace will begin tracking then boarding SUV's.
Six Degrees of Family Separation
Everyone is an average of six degrees away from each person on Earth. This goes for family members, too. I'm close to my immediate family but am not close with the rest. This game will reconnect me with members of my family.
1. My uncle used to drive a blue Volkswagen Golf.
2. My grandfather has a fondness for foursomes, the playing card variety.
3. The Denver Broncos sometimes play a 3-4 defense.
4. My aunt partied with the Broncos in the 80's.
5. Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello enjoyed a comeback in the 1987 film comedy, "Back to the Beach".
6. I used to listen to the Beach Boys greatest hits in my room but would always skip their song, "In My Room".
Do you want to play?
1. My uncle used to drive a blue Volkswagen Golf.
2. My grandfather has a fondness for foursomes, the playing card variety.
3. The Denver Broncos sometimes play a 3-4 defense.
4. My aunt partied with the Broncos in the 80's.
5. Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello enjoyed a comeback in the 1987 film comedy, "Back to the Beach".
6. I used to listen to the Beach Boys greatest hits in my room but would always skip their song, "In My Room".
Do you want to play?
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